I have been reading Digitiser for a good many years now,
sometimes for information but mostly for the humour.
Anyone remember the days when Digitiser was on page 470?
Of course then it got switched to 170, then 670, and it now
resides on page 480.
"I'm just brooming you up, man!"
Sometimes I think about those truly hilarious Man diaries
and wish I could read them again, but they are gone. So this is why
my site is here. Next time there is a fantastic Diary or Film script
or daddy's jokes you can read them again here.
"Which X-Files character has a skeletal structure only visible at
night? Day-no Skully!"
In the past we were reading comedy genius, like the mans idea
for a film called P.E. about a defecting Russian P.E. teacher
parodying E.T., and we are still treated to massive hilarity today.
"Lets write swears on old man Jabbas door"
The Episode 1 scripts, E.T. 2, Titanic 2 are all examples
of brilliant humour which I let slide by. But no more. From
this moment I will capture every smile inducing moment; to be
distributed across the internet for all to see.
As I missed capturing some of the recent brilliant scripts I
will try to remember some particularly good ones and write them
out below. Look below. Now.
E.T. 2
Int. Elliot's house, Day
| Elliots Mum: | Honey, why are you still dragging that dead cat around with you? |
| Elliot: | It's not a cat mom, it's E.T. and he will come back to life! |
| Elliots Mum: | I don't think so honey, he's all rotten and decaying and his head just fell off! |
Eastenders
Int. Cafe, Day
| Steve: | Alright Matt? (placing arm around him in overly affectionate manner) |
| Mattew Rose: | Sneet....sneet. I could use some money. Sneet sneet. |
| Steve: | Here's 40 quid, now forget about Saskia, who we murdered and buried in the woods. |
E.T. 2
Int. Elliot's house, Day
| Agent Spender: | Hello Elliot, we understand you have a dead alien in your possession. |
| Elliot: | No. |
| Agent Spender: | Then what's that E.T. shaped corpse draped around your neck? |
| Elliot: | That's er...... my new hat! |
Titanic 2
Titanic 2, Deck, Day
| Rose: | I will honour Jacks memory by sailing on Titanic 2. |
| Jack: | Hello Rose. |
| Rose: | Jack! I thought you died in that freezing cold water. |
| Jack: | No, but now I can shoot laser beams from my eyes! |
| Rose: | Radical! |
Titanic 2
Titanic 2, Deck, Day
| Rose: | I'm glad you're alive Jack, but why didn't you die in that cold water? |
| Jack: | I was saved by a group of Aquatic sea Wizards. |
| Rose: | Aquatic sea wizards? |
| Jack: | Yes, Aquatic sea wizards. |
| Rose: | They sound pretty cool. |
Titanic 2
Titanic 2, Deck, Night
| Rose: | Oh, no we just hit an iceberg. It's happening again. We are going to die. |
| Jack: | Don't worry, this is just an elaborate virtual reality simulation. |
| Rose: | Really? |
| Jack: | No, we're going to die. |