Oh,
hello, Marcus! I'm
Phoning
Honey, the guy who
calls
your local gaming
establishment,
and pranks
them till
they whistle.
I'm
going to die soon, and while
you
shouldn't be upset about this, you
should
understand that I'm going to die
in YOUR
house.
And now?
Now the time has come to
sustain
the truth of the telephonic
prankery.
All names have been changed
to
protect the honey from the bruises.
-
POPULAR
GAMES PLC, EDINBURGH
PGPLC: Hello, Popular Games.
US: Yeah, hi. I wonder if you can help.
I'm
moving here on vacation - or as I
like to
call it 'vackshun', ha ha - in
England
from the United States of North
America.
PGPLC: Uh-huh.
US: Thing is, I'm staying in England
for six
months, and I just wondered
if my good
ol' US of A games will
work on
your English consoles?
-
PGPLC: Well, in theory, yeah,
you
should be able to get any
NTSC gam
to work on a PAL
machine,
but...
US: Wait a sec. A pal's machine? I'm
here with
my wife.
PGPLC: No. What I mean is... what?
US: You said I could get games to
work on
my pal's machine. You have
misunderstood
my request. Or maybe
I
misunderstood what you said with
your
watch Scotch and English
jaw-jaw.
-
PGPLC: I'm not sure what you're really
asking
me...
US: Listen up, buddy. I don't want to
play
games on my pal's console. I want
to play
my original USA games on an
English
console. See, I could bring the
games
through customs, but I got my
console
confiscated - consolefiscated,
I guess -
because it looked like a gun.
PGPLC: What console do you have?
US: It's an American console, dammit!
Have you
got hotdog relish in your
ears or
something, boy?
-
PGPLC: No. No relish. I mean, is it a
GameCube,
a PlayStation 2, Xbox...?
US: Well, I don't know that. I just
know my
wife bought this thing for me,
and it's
American workmanship, and it
plays
games. I'm not going to crack
the thing
open and look inside now.
PGPLC: No. You don't have to open it
up.
It's... what sort of console is it?
US: This here conversation is going
around in
circles, boy. Now are you
gonna
help me, or do I have to start
grinding
my teeth?
-
PGPLC: I can't really help you unless
I...
actually, look. Why don't you
come into
the shop, and bring your
games
wiht you?
US: I can't do that. What kind of lame,
jackass
operation are you English boys
running
over here? I just want one
of you
guys to listen to what I have
to say,
and help me out accordingly.
PGPLC: There's no need to raise your
voice.
I'm sure we can...
US: And I'm damn sure you're not
listening
to me, boy.
-
PGPLC: Look. OK. The bottom line is
that yes,
if you buy a UK machine
you
should be able to play games on it
if you
get it chipped.
US: An OK machine? Well of course I'm
gonna buy
an OK machine. What, you
think I'm
gonna hand over a hundred
bucks for
a machine that ain't ok?
PGPLC: I... I really think you should
come in.
I've got to go, I'm sorry.
US: Yeah. You is real sorry, boy. A
sorry
excuse for a retail assistant.
Are you
listening, boy? BOY...?
PHONECALL
ENDS